Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Computer Housekeeping

I realized this morning that I hadn't deleted the Spam from my computer in about a week.It's a good thing I checked. If I had waited much longer poor Chance would probably have asphyxiated within twenty four hours. I don't understand how all these people have so much time on their hands. Surely, there are more pressing issues than taking care of me. I guess that they are just concerned about my well being and want to make sure that, should I require anything, should I want anything, they are right here, Johnny on the Spot to help me out.
I didn't open up any of my messages. It would have taken me way too long and, after all, I do have things that need to be done. I did a quick scan of all 548 of them, and let me tell you, some of those messages have me a little concerned. For instance, there appears to be an abundance, and I mean a staggering abundance, of young women who are either tired or bored. They all admit to being twenty five. I am truly worried about the women of our country who are twenty five. Is there something going on here that I don't know about? It must be a virus, but then why is it attacking only twenty five year old women? I wonder if the CDC knows about this? I would count this as a national crisis. To be that tired and/or bored at twenty five is a mystery to me. Think about it for a minute. You go to bed the night before your twenty fifth birthday. At twenty four you are fully functional. You wake up on your birthday morning and are a completely different person...for an entire year you are dragged down with exhaustion and ennui. Poor souls!
I have also received many, many messages about getting the size I've always wanted, mega sizing my unit, and getting a bigger instrument. You know, my kids are gone and our house is quite big enough for the two of us. I'd love a bigger piano, but the instrument that I have now hardly fits in our tiny living room. As far as obtaining a bigger flute, I don't even play the recorder I have, and aren't flutes supposed to be tiny? Further more, what is it that is supposed to help you grown four inches in six months? Have they considered the ramifications? That would be eight inches in one year alone. By my calculations, I'd be well over six feet tall before I could say, "Jack Robinson!" I'd have to keep buying new clothes. I'd have to duck to get through doorways. I wouldn't fit on a plane....and besides all of that, I've exceeded the age to try out for the NBA.
One final comment and this is my only criticism. I also received a message from an educational institution offering degrees without the necessity of taking exams or studying. I find that downright unconscionable. In my day a person was required to study and to work hard for a degree. I don't like the tone of that message. I'm concerned as well that this institution offers Dlpomas. For heaven's sake, would you enroll in a school that offered one of those?

p.s. to the twenty five year old women...try some crafting, quilting, sewing, knitting. Create a blog...all of this will help with your boredom and will relieve stress that causes your exhaustion. My final word of advice is to change your name. What in the world were your parents thinking when they named their daughters Deon Bullock, Peter Pecker, Hardy Plank, Ben Dover or Rooster Peckher?? Change your names. Much of your problem may be related to the underlying anger you carry because of the names bestowed upon you. Anger leads to depression and depression leads to feelings of helplessness and fatigue. I do hope you take these suggestions to heart. Try them, but don't bother to write me in the morning.



marylou said...

Hi Ellen:)
SPAM reminds me of this famous quote..."Insanity: doing the same thing over & over again and expecting different results"...Albert E!!
Thanks again for the perfectly written blog with just the right amount of humor & fun! It is so good to relate to someone who thinks like me:) Is the little yellow bus waiting 4 us????? (big smile here)
Hug Life....Marylou:)

Monica said...

I love your sense of humor, Ellen, I always smile after leaving your blog. And yes, I don't know what is going on with those people that doesn't have anything else to do than offered a zillion products to make us "perfect". Thank goodness for the delete button on the keyboard!!
Have a happy fourth of July!!

fleur_delicious said...

when I was 12 I wanted sewing lessons and it was a hardship, but my parents found a way to provide this for me. Now I see they were merely thinking far, far ahead, as I have attained the safe haven of 26 without contracting any more than the usual exhaustion attendant upon graduate students. *whew* Another bullet dodged thanks to needle and thread - thank GOODNESS! =)

I missed the anthem and therefore was not choked up last night, but I did bob my feet madly and "da da da" along to the Sousa marches!

Marti said...

Absolutely hilarious.