Computer Housekeeping

I realized this morning that I hadn't deleted the Spam from my computer in about a week.It's a good thing I checked. If I had waited much longer poor Chance would probably have asphyxiated within twenty four hours. I don't understand how all these people have so much time on their hands. Surely, there are more pressing issues than taking care of me. I guess that they are just concerned about my well being and want to make sure that, should I require anything, should I want anything, they are right here, Johnny on the Spot to help me out.
I didn't open up any of my messages. It would have taken me way too long and, after all, I do have things that need to be done. I did a quick scan of all 548 of them, and let me tell you, some of those messages have me a little concerned. For instance, there appears to be an abundance, and I mean a staggering abundance, of young women who are either tired or bored. They all admit to being twenty five. I am truly worried about the women of our country who are twenty five. Is there something going on here that I don't know about? It must be a virus, but then why is it attacking only twenty five year old women? I wonder if the CDC knows about this? I would count this as a national crisis. To be that tired and/or bored at twenty five is a mystery to me. Think about it for a minute. You go to bed the night before your twenty fifth birthday. At twenty four you are fully functional. You wake up on your birthday morning and are a completely different person...for an entire year you are dragged down with exhaustion and ennui. Poor souls!
I have also received many, many messages about getting the size I've always wanted, mega sizing my unit, and getting a bigger instrument. You know, my kids are gone and our house is quite big enough for the two of us. I'd love a bigger piano, but the instrument that I have now hardly fits in our tiny living room. As far as obtaining a bigger flute, I don't even play the recorder I have, and aren't flutes supposed to be tiny? Further more, what is it that is supposed to help you grown four inches in six months? Have they considered the ramifications? That would be eight inches in one year alone. By my calculations, I'd be well over six feet tall before I could say, "Jack Robinson!" I'd have to keep buying new clothes. I'd have to duck to get through doorways. I wouldn't fit on a plane....and besides all of that, I've exceeded the age to try out for the NBA.
One final comment and this is my only criticism. I also received a message from an educational institution offering degrees without the necessity of taking exams or studying. I find that downright unconscionable. In my day a person was required to study and to work hard for a degree. I don't like the tone of that message. I'm concerned as well that this institution offers Dlpomas. For heaven's sake, would you enroll in a school that offered one of those?

p.s. to the twenty five year old women...try some crafting, quilting, sewing, knitting. Create a blog...all of this will help with your boredom and will relieve stress that causes your exhaustion. My final word of advice is to change your name. What in the world were your parents thinking when they named their daughters Deon Bullock, Peter Pecker, Hardy Plank, Ben Dover or Rooster Peckher?? Change your names. Much of your problem may be related to the underlying anger you carry because of the names bestowed upon you. Anger leads to depression and depression leads to feelings of helplessness and fatigue. I do hope you take these suggestions to heart. Try them, but don't bother to write me in the morning.

Best!

A CHANCE for Chance

Last weekend I sent Chance off with fingers crossed. You ask (or may not ask, or be interested) "Who is Chance?"
Chance is my computer...the guy I have a love/hate/I'm intimidated relationship with. Chance had been behaving badly. He was exhibiting episodes of unwellness. Chance was disappearing when I needed him. He was clearly "unwell." Chance was experiencing spasmodic occurrences
of fainting, dropsy, miasma...and just plain uncooperativeness. Our inability to work together, which at best is tenuous, was becoming untenable.
I promised him that I would send him to someplace pleasant, a spot where he would be tenderly taken care of, a sort of Computer Spa. I promised that he would experience healing touch, that he would have a space and place to unwind, that any free radicals, metabolism imbalances, and/or cardio problems would be addressed.
I also promised that there would be no:

1. juice fasting
2. seaweed or mud packs
3. seated meditation
4. Pilates
5. exfoliation
6. Asanas
7. enemas or colonics
8. chanting or group hugs

Chance came back...no complaints. He seems to have enjoyed his respite. He has been cooperative, energetic and healthy. I am so glad to have him back whole and well. I hope that he knows how much I appreciate his help.


p.s. this morning when I came in to say good morning to Chance I found a little note from him:
I've scheduled your appointment at The Affiliation of Computers Who Are Owned by Bungling Idiots Who Try to Do Things Online.