Sunday, September 15, 2013


Sometimes you don't know what to write.
Sometimes too much awfulness happens.
Sometimes it concerns your brother
and your sister,
the loves of your growing up...
whom you are losing,
and the disappearance of a beloved cat.
Sometimes it concerns the loves
of your working life..
Twenty three teaching years
in the small town..
Twenty three years 
out of thirty plus
in the classroom.
So much loss in the last few weeks.
I have tried to write about it,
but I just cannot.
It is my story, but not my story.
Many children who were in my classroom,
and most of all
my beloved teaching partner,
have gone through so much.
I don't know what to do,
except be there for them.
I am back in the classroom every Tuesday
to read stories and do art projects.
For me, I pull up photos
that give me comfort,
and I am spending time
with D. in the Grasmere Journals.
I am pressing leaves
and gathering all Fallish things..
knitting mindless things..
I am baking bread and making cheese...
and, I am giving thanks to you,
Dear Readers, for being with me.

And, I am hoping to be back soon.
Oh, and yes and yes...
I saw the otters the other day while crossing the bridge.
Spirit lifting it was.
A reminder that goodness comes
even when times are just so hard.
Love, so much to all of you,


J & B said...

Too many dark clouds for you right now,but,
you always in yor heart can bring out the beauty
of life through your words and photo art. Babs

robyn L. said...

I'm so sorry, Ellen. You are not alone. I will be praying for you and your family.

maggiegracecreates said...

Oh Ellen - I remember your words for me when the looming monster of cancer was there. I go back and I read them often from the book I put together so I would not forget. That book has a special cubby in my studio and in the future some one will look at that cubby and wonder why the paint is so worn on that one slot.

After I got your email the other day, I've lifted you and yours to God so often. There are not words for the ugly that is there now.

But there is love - in the midst of the ugly, love may be the only sunshine to help burn those clouds away.

My sweet friend I am praying. And loving.

furrybees said...

Ellen, I'm sorry to see such a lot of awfulness around you at the moment. Keep breathing, in and out; look after yourself so that you can be who you need to be for others. Thinking of you and sending warmth your way for a trying time.

Beetlebirdhare said...

Oh Ellen, thinking of you and sending you virtual hugs : )

Anonymous said...

love, sending you love.

Angy is my name. said...

Sometimes there are no words. Just time. A strange and mysterious gift that only reveals itself when it's job is done. Your love and patience and care for your loved ones will be a sacred tattoo on their souls forever more lovely lady.


Anonymous said...

i am so, so sorry to read that more...too much more has been heaped upon your life.
i've shared with you and you've been so incredibly kind and supportive even in the middle of your painful chapters.

Hold on. Keep looking for otters.
i pray for the best outcome for you, your brother, sister, teaching companion and dear cat.

Hugs and Love

Ginnie said...

Your pain jumps right out of the computer into my heart, Ellen. Please hold on an know that we are all here for you. Sending lots of hugs and much love.

Annie Cholewa said...

I missed this post. So sorry you are hurting dear friend x

Mrs. Micawber said...

Oh Ellen, I'm so sorry to hear this.

I hope that the gloom has lifted (even if only a tiny bit) since you wrote this ... saying a prayer for you and your loved ones.