Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Do Any Of You Dream

Or Try To Dream of someone who is gone, someone you loved so much?
For some reason tonight, I was suddenly taken aback and was crying over one of the people whom I loved so much. Her name was Susan. She was, and is, even in death, my dearest friend, my heart of hearts. She was a year younger than I am. She was not supposed to die. She was everything I wasn't. She was so bright, so smart, so articulate.
If I were the one who was gone, she would have the words,she would have the poetry of loss.
We met a long time ago and you could count on both hands the number of days we actually spent together. Our love and friendship spanned years and miles, but it was always deep and caring.
I want to dream of her, I want to hear her voice in my sleep. I want to know that we are still connected. I want her to still be here on some level because I need her.
Susan has been gone for several years...I just find myself wanting and trying to call her at times and then I am brought up short . I cannot call her on the phone any more.
I love you my friend of friends beyond all that is, beyond belief. You gave me so much.

7 comments:

Amy said...

I do hope you meet Susan in your dreams tonight and I do think that it is possible. Ellen, it sounds like you are still connected. It must be painful not being able to make that phone call but I believe your friend knows how much she means to you. Time fades but love remains the same.

ellen said...

Amy, as always you are a very special person to me. Thank you.

the end of motherhood said...

Oh yes. I have a friend, Betsy, who died the summer after we graduated from high school (a loooong time ago!) who still visits me in my dreams and when I am meditating!

weebug said...

Oh Ellen, I so feel the yearning in your words. What a special bond you have with your friend, to carry her so close to your heart, that the love and friendship transend death. Thank you for sharing. I lost one of my best friends when I was eight. I still miss her immensely.

marylou said...

My dear friend,
I do believe you just DID speak to your friend:) People we love and have lost are ALWAYS with us. No, not in the manner we would like them to be, in the flesh, to grab a bite of lunch and have a chat with but please know our special loved ones never leave us. We simply need to communicate with them differently and again, I believe YOU JUST DID:-)
Sweet dreams tonight best bud,
Hugs, Marylou

Loving Her Beautiful said...

Hi, Ellen,
Thanks so much for visiting. your words to Susan moved me deeply. You are rich indeed to have such a friendship and such memories.
Blessings,
BILL

ellen said...

Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Ellen