Leaving Home to Go Home...

...to the Big Island in Hawaii.

Going up tomorrow

to Portland. 
Flying out early on 9/11.
Yikes.

My husband will drop me off

at a hotel/motel near the airport.

I will see my beloved brother,

nieces, grand nieces and nephews.

Do I want to leave this beloved place?

No.

Do I want to see that other beloved place?

Yes.

Will I cry when I see the greeness,

the water, the glory of the mountains, 
the rain forests,
the waterfalls, the ginger and

the old familiar?

Yes. 
Am I conflicted?
Yes.
Is it important?
Yes.
Is it the home of my little girl heart,
my almost big girl heart,
when I left to go to college at eighteen?
Yes.
Is everything the same?
No.
Will it be special?
Yes.
Is it the home of my grandparents and
father and mother?
Yes.
Does my brother have 
a washing machine?
No.
Do I have enough clean underwear?
???
Will I forget to take something?
Yes.
Have I found my camera bag?
No.
Do I have my camera?
Yes.
Will I miss my computer and lovely readers?
Yes.
Do I have a laptop?
No.
Will I  be excited to get back to see
what all of you are doing?
Yes.
Will I love the beauty that I see, 
and miss the beauty that is here?
Yes.
Do I send all of you love?
Yes!

best to all, e/.

A Birthday

Today is my father's birthday.

 He was a good and loving man.

I was 30 when he died.

I missed him fiercely for years.

Daddy taught me many things...

look people in the eye,

have a firm grip when you shake hands,

love your family and friends,

and show them with actions

and words...everyday.

I cannot recall a day in my life

when I didn't hear Daddy say

to us all,

"I love you."
He certainly wasn't perfect.
Neither am I.
I like to think that I have all of the good
that was in him,
and recognize some of the not so good.
He is in my veins, 
he flows through me everyday,
not in a conscious way, 
but I know he is here in me
and in my children.
I treasure his sense of humor,
his delight in the small things,
and the child like wonder of this world
he never lost.
Thank you, Daddy, for all you
gave to us.
best to all, e.

Otherwise...Another Poem...

This photo may not have much to do

with this poem,

except that is exemplifies

the exuberant colors of living,

and the starker images of loss.

I hold these words dear

because they help to remind me

that everyday I have something,

many things,

to be grateful for.

Otherwise

I got out of bed

on two strong legs.

It might have been

otherwise. I ate

cereal, sweet

milk, ripe flawless

peach. It might

have been otherwise.

I took the dog uphill

to the birch wood.

All morning I did

the work I love.

At noon I lay down

with my mate. It might

have been otherwise.

We ate dinner together

at a table with silver

candlesticks. It might

have been otherwise.

I slept in a bed

in a room with paintings

on the walls, and

planned another day

just like this day.

But one day, I know,

it will be otherwise.

The incredible Jane Kenyon again.
It is for me, everyone who visits,
and  a dear new friend who knows
about Otherwise.
 best to all, e. 

Which Door Should I Choose?

I have a day all to myself.

Can you hear my squeal of joy?

Freedom comes with making hard choices.

Which door should I choose?

Door #1

Doesn't every well-appointed home

have an artful display of riding helmets

and gloves perched on an unfinished window seat?

And one which is framed by dirty glass?

How about Door #2?

The infamous laundry room.

Perhaps. It's doable, but I could just close the door.

Then there is Door #3, my sanctum,

which is far from peaceful.

One must accept the fact

that when one cleans and purges,

one creates a Hell of a mess in the process.

Nah. Why not put off today

what I can do tomorrow?

Door #4, however, looks promising

and easily done while alone.

Definitely. A Done Deal.

It's Door #4.

I can spice it up

with a little bit of this...

Sometimes you just have to get tough

and bite the bullet.

best to all, ellen